My client arrived very nervously and shy looking, this was a lady who owned her own business and yet had lost her confidence. She explained that she felt embarrassed that she had come to see me in bristol about her confidence. When she knew within her she had the tools to regain her confidence. I like to listen to my clients, for me, this is a great skill and rare amongst therapists.
How do I listen? For me, it’s about being present and in the moment when nothing but your client matters, I listen so much that it’s almost like my own heart stops for a moment. It’s like, I am listening to her breathing, I can feel the anxiety of having no confidence being pushed out in the last few breathes as she speaks to me quietly.
I knew from my 20 years as a well-being consultant that I could help, not just overcome her confidence, which really wasn’t the main issue. There is always a secondary gain. My client needed to feel more secure about herself, then she would belief in her self once again. How was I going to do that you might ask.
Well, I ask my client to remember a time when she felt good about herself, and when I ask anyone this, they always say, I have never been happy, or have no feel-good times to remember. I am never shocked by this reply. Sad, that most people feel this way, however, I can change this memory easily for them.
I remind clients that the brain does not understand the difference between reality and imagination. Therefore, what you think in your mind you attract more of. An example would be if I ask you to not think about a purple elephant, you now thinking about the elephant. You have to think about something to not think about it. I will write in another blog more about the workings of the brain
I get my client to focus on a good memory and build from there, there is always a nice memory tucked away, once she has the thought then another positive thought comes along.
This does surprise them, they are almost embarrassed to have happy thoughts. Once the train of positive thoughts is moving forward, the client feels more relaxed, less self-conscious, they often begin to feel silly, that they doubted themselves, I just listen more and reassure them at the right moments.
Have I done a lot of work here? Maybe it was me just listening to her breathing, just being present for my client. I’m not one for just leading my client by the hand. I always know that can find their own confidence and restore their self-belief again.
Sometimes clients leave and say, I didn’t really need to come they did all the work themselves. I smile. The energy, attention to detail and providing a safe space for the magic to happen is all they needed.